Thoughts on ‘No Reservations: Hawaii’
Star-Bulletin file
Tony, Tony, Tony. I’m disappointed.
Last week’s episode of “No Reservations” brought Anthony Bourdain to the islands, and a lot of people were both excited and worried at the same time.
We weren’t sure he’d get it right.
In my opinion, he didn’t.
I should have known what was coming when I read Bourdain’s blog about the shoot. While here, his former employers at the Food Network made the decision to re-air a program he used to host before moving to the Travel Channel.
Bourdain wrote that after he got the news, “I rode the wild, North Shore surf at Banzai Pipeline and Sunset (in a jet ski), hovered over boiling magma on the Big Island, was offered every variety of unexpectedly wonderful local food - but my mind was elsewhere.”
So he admits to mailing it in while he was here. Great, Tony. Just great.
Couple that with tacky stock footage of a vintage Hawaiian Airlines plane in the opening sequence and the fact that Bourdain had his family in tow during filming, and all the warning signs of potential suckage were there before he could even walk through the door at Bailey’s in Kapahulu to start the episode.
Note to tourists: it’s NOT called a “Hawaiian” shirt. Not ever.
Once Bourdain picked an aloha shirt, he was told the price was “about two thousand dollars.” At the register, however, the shirt’s price tag revealed its true cost was $1000 more.
Bourdain didn’t blink an eye, probably because he knew the money to buy the shirt was coming out of the production budget and not his own pocket. I don’t know what kind of world traveler would allow themselves to get pushed around like that.
“Oops, the price is actually 50 percent more than what we originally told you. Sorry… now pay up.”
Unless you’re trying to showcase the cheese factor of Waikiki, why visit Bailey’s when there are authentic Hawaiian clothing companies still in business?
Three strikes, Tony. That’s one out.
After securing the proper attire, Bourdain continued on to Puka Dog in Waikiki. Of all the different food options in the area, he decided to visit a business that recently expanded to Oahu after its owners opened their first location on Kauai.
“I’m excited and afraid,” Bourdain says as he’s introduced to different sauces and a warmer that impales each hot dog bun. “This makes no (freaking) sense at all … I love it!”
Not the greatest, but he did feature a business most folks wouldn’t know about if they didn’t visit the Ki’s on a regular basis.
Next, Bourdain stopped at Ono Hawaiian Foods with chef Colin Nishida.
Nishida responds the clientele is “locals, mostly” when Bourdain asks him what type of people eat there.
Really? Then why do I always see a line of tourists outside the door when I drive by?
No offense to Ono’s, because the food is definitely worthy of recognition. But if you’re trying to go where the locals go, why not keep it real and visit Ono Seafood right across the street for some made-to-order poke?
And if not Ono Seafood, what about the Hawaiian plates at Fort Ruger Market up the hill in Kaimuki, or at Yama’s Fishmarket in McCully?
Another three strikes, Bourdain. That’s two outs, and we’re not even halfway through the episode yet!
Next stop on “No Reservations: Hawaii” was Side Street Inn, with Bourdain holding court alongside Nishida and a bunch of local foodies. My boss, Star-Bulletin features editor Betty Shimabukuro, was prominently featured during this segment, so it’s a winner despite Bourdain’s stumbles while sampling local bar food.
The best line came from Nishida, in response to Bourdain asking why people like to patronize his bar:
“We’re open late.”
What I don’t get, however, is why this was the only evening event (other than the Paradise Cove Lu’au) that Bourdain managed to attend. With a wife and kid waiting back at the Kahala, I guess it was kind of tough to get out and actually take part in Honolulu’s nightlife.
If he did, maybe Bourdain would have enjoyed himself at a spot like Izakaya Nonbei, Uncle Bo’s or Formaggio.
If his producers had called, I would have taken him to the Hideaway or Smith’s Union Bar for a taste of Honolulu’s seedy side.
If his handlers had known, they could have visited neighborhood bars that rival the best he’s found elsewhere around the world.
But that didn’t happen. Instead, we follow Bourdain as he visits the North Shore and rides piggyback on another dude’s jet ski before eating SPAM at Liliha’s New Uptown Fountain with local writer David Choo.
It was typical mainstream Hawaii fare. Pretty boring stuff by Bourdain’s standards.
La Mariana, a longtime local landmark among the cocktail crowd, received a visit from Bourdain and one of the guys from Don Tiki. Once again, he’s not breaking any new ground (his friends at the Travel Channel have featured the bar in the past) and would have been better served by going to Chinatown and exploring the drinking options there.
Finally, more than halfway through the episode, viewers see an actual Native Hawaiian in the flesh when 102.7 Da Bomb morning sidekick Kaleo Pilanca pops up during an obviously staged kanikapila session at a house in Kalihi.
While a bit contrived, Pilanca and former morning show partner Lanai Tabura did the best job of actually imparting some local culture to Bourdain. Throw in music and hula from Beach 5’s Christian Yrizarry and friends, and it was the closest Bourdain came to a true local experience during the filming.
Oh, and Tony? It’s tako poke, not octopus ceviche. Doesn’t your show hire research staff?
The episode finished with a visit to the Big Island and one resident who operates a bed-and-breakfast under threat of eviction by Pele herself. Bourdain then returned to Oahu for his Paradise Cove experience.
As things came to an end, Bourdain had the chance to get a few shots in and make some fun of the fact that HE WAS AT A FREAKING LU’AU. But he didn’t.
Instead, we get this:
“Funny thing is, something happened to me during my time here,” Bourdain says. “Damn, what’s happening to me?
“I’m getting soft.”
Yep. That about sums it up, Tony. You’re definitely getting soft.
Not enough Hawaiian culture, not enough Hawaiian food and not nearly enough drinking in Hawaii bars. That’s three more strikes for the final out of the inning.
I wonder if Andrew Zimmern will do any better when he arrives to film an episode of “Bizarre Foods.”
Probably not.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Puka Dog was another place also previously visited by the Travel Channel on their program “Hot Dog Paradise”. That time at their original location on Kauai - not Maui as stated in the article, which is incorrect. Ah, minahz. lol
While the Puka Dog’s name and concept is quite a novelty, it’s very “touristy”, IMO.
For a truly local style hot dog, can’t touch what the Okazuya has to offer. Either the Hot Dog Musubi from Masa and Joyce (Kaneohe) or the shoyu Hot Dog wrapped in fish cake from Nuuanu Deli. Like just about everything else at a local Okazuya, them Hot Dogs have deep roots going back to Hawaii’s plantation era.
Mahalo for the “Ono Seafood” link!
March 11th, 2008 at 3:12 am
Thanks for catching the Puka Dog error, Pomai. I edited the blog to reflect the correct info.
March 11th, 2008 at 8:54 am
dang jason, tell it like it is why don’t you!
despite everything you mentioned it’s still a better representation of the cuisine here than i’ve ever seen on tv before. i mean, he made it to some of my favorite spots. but now that i read your review… i got a few more to try :)
how cool was it to see kaleo and christain on there too! woooo.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Wow lau lau — so how do you REALLY feel?
Seriously, though, after reading your ideas about where he should have gone, I probably would have liked that (your) show better!
It still would have had to include Side Street, cause as you know, he always does chef hangs … and it was uber-cool to see Betty on nationwide TV.
So are you going to volunteer to be Zimmern’s guide? You gonna eat weird stuff too? I think you should have YOUR PEOPLE contact HIS PEOPLE.
= )
March 11th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Jason I think you and I are on the same page here
http://www.jeelago.net/work/2008/03/08/reservations-about-anthony-bourdain-in-hawaii/
I really dig Bourdain a lot (hottest guy 50+ on TV? and talented to boot..?! heh) but the HI ep was underwhelming in so many ways
try again, Tony!
March 11th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Good take. Yeah i wasn’t happy with the choices(no offense if you own one of them places or love eating there). Man i was more stoked when Food Network covered Rainbows more than this No Res. And i would like the local opinion for the Puka Dog. Why not a KC Drive Inn Waffle Dog?????? Or is it better than a Costco hot dog?(i like it and 1.50 for dog and drink, cmon!) But at the same time im dying to try Haute Dog joint by comp usa. sorry for the rant. big ups J!
side note to pomai-masa & joyce. NICE!
March 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hawaii was his worst and only bad No Reservations show, and I’ve watched pretty much every episode. That should say something - possibly it’s not the show, not him, not his producers - it’s Hawaii. For us locals born and raised here, there aren’t too many places we like to go. We make do. And some of your “better” suggestions suck. Like Uncle Bo’s? Are you kidding? They have some of the worst overpriced food on this island wrapped up in a cheesy contrived copied ambiance with awful music and an obvioux crowd. Formaggio’s? Hawaii snooty mediocre wine bar? “Neighborhood bars that rivals the best he’s found elsewhere around the world?” I guess you haven’t travelled much or been around the world because Hawaii has some of the worst and limited bars. You suggested he go to Chinatown bars. Where? Late-blooming wannabe chic New York bars like Next Door or Indigo’s? Give me a break. Yes “boring stuff by Bourdain’s standards” but this is Hawaii. Hawaii is late to follow, limited in nightlife (excpet for the few so called hip promoters who ruin nightlife here with their greed). The real greatness of Hawaii is with the warm people here and family-centered mentality - but that’s not what this show is about - it’s about food, bars, things to do - and there really aint much here. Surprised they were even able to make a full episode out of Hawaii.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Sorry Chris, I don’t buy that weak argument for a second.
Bourdain admits his mind was elsewhere during filming, and he had his wife and young child along for the ride (something he normally doesn’t do). Those two facts alone speak volumes as to why the episode turned out the way it did.
There is plenty to do here for those interested in food, bars and things to do. Nightlife is my beat at the Star-Bulletin, and I’ve had lots to write about since joining the staff in 2000.
“Us locals?” Really? As someone with Native Hawaiian blood who was born and raised here, I respectfully suggest that you speak for yourself.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Yeah, KC Drive Inn waffle dogs would have been even better.
Isn’t there a store in Hawaii Kai (I think?) that still serves those? I know you can rent the machines for fundraisers and the like.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Great minds think alike… ahahaha!
March 11th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Yeah, I don’t think I’d be a good fit for that show.
“You want me to eat WHAT?”
Balut. Uni. Mountain oysters.
I can just picture the spread…
March 11th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
i want liliha bakery now….coco puffs? i want yama’s too. jason your a rockstar!
March 12th, 2008 at 12:30 am
E’o, Jason! Thank you for keeping your promise and sharing your mana`o honestly in giving your review. It is our kuleana as Kanaka Maoli and locals to reveal truths and change the world’s view of who/what Hawai`i really is, starting with a more accurate history and dynamics of who we all are today. The truth is people - local, native or settler, we are products of colonization and current occupation by the United States. Mr. Bourdain just reaffirmed that.
Our islands are being jacked everyday, thus just another “Hawai`i” episode for the world to see. Our native cultures have been pimped in a “Hawaiian Style” hot dog, $3,000 shirt, fascination with lava and romanticizing the big surf. Who invented surfing?? And I ask, do we really know the cultural significance and our relationship with the land we inhabit. Challenge the next television explorer to our islands.
I think Mr. Bourdain, a Travel Channel correspondent is directed where the producers and network take him. As much as we hope to protect and perpetuate what is pono in our islands, constantly we have to witness the misappropriation of our native cultures.
It was my hope, as he completely failed to do - present our “indigenous” culture or political history as he “seems” to in other episodes. It seemed so in tonight’s episode in Vietnam (slicing open a clay duck) or in Ireland (taking the “bombs & bullets” taxi tours), who knows? He’s commonly noted for this off the beaten path, political and culture sway.
As I’ve commented before, though he attempted to stray away from the tourist, colonial trappings/images of Hawai`i. This episode was clearly guilty of it and done so irresponsibly, time/no time/or I’m not feeling it.
How can we continue to witness a sacred, spiritual symbol as the “tiki” equated to an alcohol drink. It’s like using Jesus on the cross for a dinner fork. Or allow businesses, such as “Puka Dog” say they are “Hawaiian Style”. There is nothing Hawaiian about hot gods in a holed bun with papaya or coconut relish. “Puka Dog” needs to get rid of the hula dancer on their web page. That is an insult to the sacred dance. The misuse of our culture for the almighty dollar needs to stop. Please start educating yourself.
Witnessing him irresponsibly refer to “indigenous” food and garb was painful. Beyond our favored local hangs/restaurants, he could have ventured to a lo`i or local farms. Presented the “indigenous” perspective of Hawai`i. Other than the typical images of Waikiki, surfing, lava flowing, spam eating, I would have rather seen how an imu is done, how kalo is grown, a 1st birthday or our local fishers/hunters.
If we remain in ignorance and continue to witness it, we perpetuate it. Though just a television show, remember, this is how the world sees and treats us. As Mr. Bourdian did - just another tourist “paradise”. Malama pono!
March 12th, 2008 at 8:57 am
You speak about being “Native Hawaiian.” My family from my dad’s side of the family is 100% PROUD Native Hawaiian and my mom’s side of the family is from HARD WORKING Chinese people born and raised on this island. So I don’t know why you are talking about “NATIVE.” Yes, I too am PROUD to be Hawaiian but my parents made sure I went to school on mainland to get a bigger experience and I traveled the world. Hawaii is the best as I said in regard to the people and family and morals here, but is far inferior in restaurant, bar, night life, entertainmnet options.
March 12th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Yes I do agree that he could have gone to more Local places on the island. Way more local. He did the touristy thing. And doesn’t he usually try the local foods on his show? Why not try real beef jerky or any hawaiian foods, besides paradise cove. The people at the travel channel should have done their research. And yes there are better night time bars out there, especially in chinatown. Side street’s pork chops are good, expensive but well worth it. I hope the other guy that’s coming gets deeper into the hawaiian culture.
March 12th, 2008 at 10:16 am
I think everyone need lighten up some!! It’s supposed be an entertainment show, not one documentary. It’s one show about someone’s view point of our island. Many other shows about Hawaii, even produced in Hawaii by people raised here, was not so good either. Look at the crap they put on OC16 - that’s supposed to be representing what we produce here locally - it’s embarassing. BTW, Ono Seafood NOT ONO and Uncle Bo’s need go away with expensive not fresh fish.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Jason, I completely agree with you that this show about Hawaii sucked! I’m a huge huge fan of No Reservations but this one was a total let down in every aspect and I won’t get into all the details. Yet, I don’t completely agree with your recommendations of some of the places you listed, except maybe the Hideaway. I tried thinking of ways the episode could have been better but I kinda sorta agree with the writer Chris that it’s hard to make Hawaii look good the way other cities look good on this show - say like New York or San Fran or London or whatever. Remember when Dave Atelle did his Insomniac show a long time ago? Insomniac was another show I loved and all his other episodes at other cities were great but the Hawaii episode was horrible too.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Aloha and Mahalo Jason for the props… I did propose before the shoot to take Mr. Bourdaine to Waiahole Valley…the place I come from…Get Taro patch, Imu, Huli Huli style,Crabbing,Night Torching, Hunting for Pig, Digging for oysters near waiahole beach park where it is all muddy and have a more hawaiian style live off the land feel…but because of time restraints…Only had time for us to make the legendary Beef Luau Stew and Stuff Onaga…So just had to make do with what time we had… next time I hope we can take him on the true Hawaiian experience… but it was fun and we got to show some of what Hawaii Has to offer Today…our heart warming welcoming spirit…Mahalo again